Having a new baby is a source of stress for any marriage. When you baby ends up in a Newborn Intensive Care Unit... Watch out!!! This is mega Stress on a marriage. In the NICU enviroment we have seen marriages strengthened because of these challenges, while other marriages seem to wilt. Here are some suggestions from couples who have survived the NICU.
1. Communicate with each other. Share feelings; especially the feelings of guilt, anger, and resentment. Talking with each other helps relieve the burdens that you may be feeling. One mother felt guilty and responsible for the birth of her preterm daughter, when she spoke to her husband she was surprised to find out that he blamed himself.
2. Spend time together. As a past NICU mom, I know how hard it is to find time for your spouse during a crisis. It was often hard for me to leave my baby's bedside. I know that my husband was very worried about finances... what is this crazy hospital stay going to cost? Because men feel worried about finances he may feel like he wants to spend more time at work. Just remember each partner is doing what they can do to just cope and make it through this situation. Everyone handles stress differently, try and give each other a break and be sympathetic to their feelings. Try to take just a few minutes each day and really spend time together. This can be as simple as going for a walk (don't forget to hold hands :)
3. Take care of yourselves. When you look good, you feel good. Pamper yourself a little bit... maybe a manicure, a haircut, a new shirt.
4. Try and get some sleep and eat nutritiously. Let's face it. For most of us, if we don't eat and we don't sleep we are GRUMPY. When we eat a balanced diet and get a good night's sleep, we have more energy. I won't lie to you... CHOCOLATE was one of the keys to me surviving my NICU experience!!!
5. Get some outside help. Surround yourself with people that care about you and your family. If you feel like your marriage is too strained, don't be afraid to ask for help. Professional counselors, clergy or church leaders, and the NICU social worker are good sources of help. They can offer a listening ear and be a source of guidance.
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